What You Don't Notice

I like to help a buddy of mine with carpentry work from time to time. As any good friend-turned-carpentry-assistant would, this mostly involves reclining in a folding chair with a beer and offering unsolicited advice. When he gets into a bind, I’m quick to tell him what he ought to have done—often with the benefit of hindsight and an abstracted perspective he doesn’t have in the moment.

Leadership can feel a lot like carpentry. When you’re in the thick of it, the sawdust is flying, and you’re just trying to get the angles right, it’s easy to miss something critical. The details blur because you’re too close to them. Stepping back—or better, having someone else with a clear view—can make all the difference.

But what about the things we never notice at all?

The Flatmate Conundrum

Let’s imagine two flatmates sharing household duties. One is fastidious, preferring to keep things spotless. The other has a more relaxed attitude. The tidy person often feels like they’re the only one doing the cleaning, assuming their flatmate just doesn’t care.

In reality, the other person might not even notice the mess. They aren’t bothered by a few dishes in the sink, so they don’t think to act. Their threshold—their trigger to clean—is simply different.

Leadership operates much the same way. Each leader has their natural tendencies, sensitivities, and blind spots. The danger lies in assuming that what you notice—or fail to notice—is universal. Worse, you might assume it reflects intent or capability when, in fact, it’s about awareness.

Developing Triggers Without Triggering Chaos

Triggers are the cues that prompt us to take action. Without them, we operate on autopilot, responding only to what naturally catches our attention. For some, that might mean noticing interpersonal conflicts but overlooking declining metrics. For others, it might mean spotting technical issues while missing team morale dips.

As leaders, it’s critical to train ourselves to develop triggers in areas where we’re naturally less sensitive. Here’s how:

1. Seek External Perspectives

Much like the carpenter who benefits from an outside observer, leaders gain valuable insights by soliciting feedback. Encourage your team to share their views openly. What do they see that you don’t? Use retrospectives, one-on-ones, and peer reviews to uncover patterns you might miss.

2. Set Thresholds and Signals

Define clear markers that demand your attention. For instance, if you struggle to notice team disengagement, monitor metrics like meeting participation or project delays. If interpersonal conflicts are your blind spot, pay attention to communication styles or tone shifts.

3. Practice Situational Awareness

Step back periodically to assess the bigger picture. Are you too focused on the immediate "mess in the sink" without considering the broader dynamics of the household?

4. Reframe Your Perspective

Sometimes, the issue isn’t that we don’t see the trigger—it’s that we interpret it incorrectly. The flatmate who doesn’t clean isn’t lazy; they simply have a different threshold. Leaders must build empathy and context to understand the signals they do notice.

It’s important to recognize that developing triggers for awareness is not just a skill—it’s also a process. And like any process, it requires time, patience, and mutual respect between a leader and their team. When this balance isn’t struck, an anti-pattern emerges: the manager who overreacts to an issue, demands instant change, and unwittingly causes more harm than good.

The Overreacting Manager: A Case Study in Counterproductivity

Imagine a manager who realizes that one of their reports struggles with timely communication. Perhaps a project delay brings the issue to light, and the manager, in a fit of urgency, demands that it never happen again. The report is dressed down, workflows are upended, and new processes are hastily put in place—all without proper support or time to adapt.

This approach almost always backfires. Here’s why:

1. Blind Spots Are Mutual A manager’s sudden awareness of their report’s shortcoming often blinds them to their own. That same report might be seamlessly covering a blind spot the manager never noticed, such as proactively solving problems the manager didn’t even know existed. The one-sided focus creates resentment and disengagement.
2. Development Takes Time Triggers for awareness are not innate—they’re learned. Just as the manager needed time to notice the communication issue, the report needs time to build the habits and awareness to address it. Demanding overnight change is unrealistic and counterproductive.
3. Demands Are Not Support When a manager reacts harshly, it signals frustration rather than mentorship. Reports respond better when they are guided, not reprimanded, into recognizing and addressing their blind spots. A demanding approach only increases stress and hinders growth.

Building Awareness Without Burning Bridges

To avoid becoming the overreacting manager, consider these best practices:

1. Acknowledge Mutual Blind Spots

Before addressing an issue with your report, ask yourself: What might they be seeing and solving that I’m not? If their perceived shortcoming covers a gap of yours, it’s worth recognizing and expressing gratitude for their strengths before diving into areas for improvement.

2. Invest in Supportive Development

Don’t expect immediate change. Instead, help your report develop the skills and triggers they need. For example, if communication is an issue, introduce lightweight practices like brief end-of-day updates or regular check-ins. Make adjustments manageable and collaborative.

3. Create Psychological Safety

Encourage open dialogue and ensure your report feels safe to share their challenges. If they know you’re working with them rather than against them, they’ll be more willing to identify and address their blind spots.

4. Set Realistic Expectations

Establish a clear timeline for development and improvement. Let your report know that change is a process and that you’re committed to supporting them along the way.

5. Seek Feedback

As your report works on their blind spots, ask for feedback on your own leadership. What are you missing? How can you improve? This reinforces a culture of mutual growth and respect.

The Symbiotic Nature of Leadership

The most effective leaders recognize that blind spots are a shared burden. Your reports may fail to notice things you find obvious, but the reverse is also true. Their strengths often compensate for your weaknesses, and their growth depends on your ability to guide rather than demand.

By cultivating a culture of mutual awareness and patience, leaders can help their teams develop the triggers they need to thrive—without triggering chaos in the process.

The Dual Role of Perspective

Managing managers and leading teams requires a delicate balance. On one hand, you need to trust your reports to do their jobs without micromanagement. On the other, you need to act as a safety net, asking timely questions and helping them see what they might miss.

It’s not about swooping in with the answers every time. Rather, it’s about creating a culture where learning and problem-solving are collaborative efforts. By developing your own triggers, you model the behaviors you want your team to adopt.

From Carpentry to Code

This principle extends beyond leadership into practical work. For example, in software engineering, it’s common for engineers to get stuck on a simple problem because they can’t see it clearly after hours of focus. A second set of eyes can catch what the first missed.

The same applies to leaders dealing with messy, unpredictable human dynamics. The more perspectives you incorporate and the more cues you train yourself to notice, the better you can guide your team through challenges.

Closing the Gap

At its core, leadership is about bridging gaps: between what’s seen and unseen, between intent and action, and between individual tendencies and collective goals. Triggers for awareness help close these gaps, enabling leaders to act with clarity and empathy.

The lesson from carpentry and flatmates is clear: no one sees everything on their own. But by developing triggers, seeking perspectives, and building shared understanding, leaders can ensure they’re not just reacting to the obvious but addressing the needs that truly matter.